Rocketmen
by Genie Este
Summary: She's the only sane one left.


**Title:** Rocketmen  
**Author:** Genie Este  
**Category:** Humor  
**Disclaimer:** Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of  
Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko  
Productions. This story was created for entertainment purposes only.  
No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters,  
situations, and story are the property of the author(s).  
**Spoilers:** 'Point of No Return'.  
**Season:** Late Season 4.  
**Characters/Pairing:** Team; Sam/Jack if you squint.  
**Summary:** She's the only sane one left.  
**Author Notes:** Very silly fic. Blame Elton John.

------

Sam lifted her arms and jiggled the chains securing her to the wall of the dungeon. She'd been making an effort to take the pressure off her wrists for the past half hour, and really wasn't making any progress.

Across the cell was Daniel, with his back to the light and his face obscured in shadow. "So what, this is the seventeenth, eighteenth time this has happened to us?"

Sighing, Sam let her arms rest again. "Nineteenth."

Beside her, Jack frowned. "Really? No, it's gotta be the eighteenth."

"Major Carter is correct. It is the nineteenth." Teal'c nodded in her general direction.

Jack let his head fall back against the hard brick, and she could tell he going through the list of all the times they had been chained up in various dungeons and holes and huts in the past four years. Frankly, she thought it said something disturbing about the team that they were keeping count.

Jack started counting. "The Velarans and Teal'c's symbol, '725 and Daniel's stupid artifact"-

"That was _not_ my fault," Daniel cut in. "It wasn't the artifact that set them off, it was the fact that we traveled to their planet at all."

"Which they never would have found out about if you hadn't turned the damned thing _on_..."

Sam attempted to tune out the fight, trying to recall whether she had stopped the clothes dryer before she had left the house yesterday. The mechanism that timed the dry cycle and ended it had stopped working, and she'd been too busy to fix it. So far she'd been using an egg timer to remind her when the clothes would be finished, but she couldn't remember if she had turned off the dryer.

That could be bad.

"...you're forgetting the time with Martin. That makes nineteen." Daniel said.

Jack tried to wave him off, but realized he was still chained to the wall. He tried to cover it up by acting like he was moving to get the feeling back into his hand. "Doesn't count. That was only half the team, and it was on Earth."

Daniel muttered to himself. "I sure as hell think it should count. We were the ones tied to the chairs."

She had turned off the dryer, hadn't she? It'd had been almost two days. Could a clothes dryer catch on fire?

"If you include the situation on P6X-917, O'Neill, the count is nineteen." Teal'c added, sounding wary.

The bars Daniel was leaning on creaked as he shifted. "What about the time on Qatan?"

Those were her favorite clothes in that dryer. She had just broken in a nice little pair of blue jeans that hugged all the right places. She could only imagine what two days on high cycle would do to her ass the next time she tried to put the jeans on.

Jack broke in again. "So, what - is that twenty?"

That was it. "Oh, for God's sake!"

All three men stared. Jack dared to speak first. "What?"

She tried to stop grinding her teeth but found that she couldn't. "Could we please just focus on getting out of here, sir?"

His voice was exasperated. "If you have any suggestions..."

She didn't reply. She set her eyes on the opposite wall and glared.

Daniel chuckled. "We could always trade you for our freedom. Jaden seemed open to the idea."

She concentrated on breathing. In through her nose, out through her mouth. In, out.

Jack nudged her with his foot. "He was joking, Carter. Just what the hell is your problem?"

She turned abruptly and exaggeratedly wiggled her arms.

There was silence.

Jack cleared his throat. "Well. At least they haven't tortured us."

She resisted the urge to bang her head into the wall.

"Look, I don't think they really want to hurt us. They just don't know what to do with us," Daniel said finally. "They'll sort it out eventually. It just may be a while."

Great. She'd try not to imagine that her pants may be on fire in the meantime.

Beside her, Jack choked. "_Excuse me?_"

Oh God, she'd said that out loud.

She turned red, and thanked fake deities for the darkness. "Nothing, sir. Nevermind."

He eyed her for a moment, then let it drop. She closed her eyes in relief.

A few minutes of silence went by before she heard Daniel start to hum.

Her eyes flew open and she stared. Was that...? No, it couldn't be.

A moment later Jack joined in. "_...and I think its going to be a long, long time..._"

And then Daniel was singing, too. "_...till touch down brings me round again to find, I'm not the man they think I am at home..._"

Teal'c had a nice, deep baritone...wait, _Teal'c_? When the hell had he learned this song?

"_Oh, no no no, I'm a rocketman...rocketman..._"

Sam was going to ignore it. She was. Clearly the guards had slipped them something on the way to the dungeon, and she was the only sane one left. It was up to her to get them out of this mess.

Again.

She settled back against the wall, closed her eyes, and waited for an idea to pop up. It's was kind of hard to think over the singing. Which was off-tune.

She really hoped her house was still standing when she got back.


End file.
